Christmas can be a difficult time
Content warning: this post discusses miscarriage and death
On Tuesday I was waiting in the dimly lit room of a radiology clinic for an ultrasound. The radiographer had left the room while I undressed and in the time that it took for her to come back in I’d completely spiralled to 30 years ago when I’d been in a similar room, having a similar procedure.
At that time, I was 28 years old, a mum of a five-month old and 11 weeks pregnant. I was having an emergency appointment because I had started spotting. Before the radiographer even started, she made a passive aggressive comment about my gynaecologist getting me an appointment ahead of others because I was going on holidays. I looked at her, dead pan and said I wasn’t going on holidays, I was travelling to New Zealand for the funeral of my mum and step-dad who had drowned in a tramping (hiking) accident. She tried to swallow her words while completing the scan which subsequently revealed there wasn’t a heartbeat. I travelled across the ditch with an even heavier heart.
That I was triggered this week by a moment from 30 years ago only serves to underline just how tricky and pervasive grief is, particularly at this time of year.
I first wrote and shared about it 10 years ago HERE and HERE in 2019 when my husband, youngest son and I visited the site where my mum and step-dad drowned.
This year I lost a beloved sister-in-law and a step-brother, both gone from this world far too young. I have friends who will be trying to just get through their first Christmas without a parent or partner. And now, my thoughts are also heavily with the families and friends of the 15 people I don’t know, innocent people who tragically died in last Sunday’s horrific Bondi terror attack.
For those left behind, this time of year is forever changed. In these impossibly frantic pre-Christmas days, if that’s you, I SEE you and the empty seat at your holiday table.
Whether you’ve lost someone near and dear to you or you know someone who has, I highly recommend listening to this recent Mel Robbins podcast episode with grief expert David Kessler. And if you need to speak to a professional, please talk to your GP and ask for a referral to a psychologist. It took me decades to do this but I’m so glad I finally did. As she told me, it’s never too late.
I’m not going to tell you that living with grief gets easier. I’m not going to tell you how to do grief, but I have shared with my paid subscribers below the paywall some of the things that have helped me over the past 30 years. They may be of help to you too.
